Knowing When Enough Is Enough!

Well, these last few weeks have been strangely busy, odd, and stressful to say the least. Yet somehow, I finally feel like I can breathe. As a woman, more so a mom, we try to manage it all. I am a believer in the whole "have your cake and eat it too" dream. I believe it is definitely possible. As a mom and wife, I try very hard to manage my home life, my kids, my own school, and everything else that comes along. What suffers? Me. I find myself going a couple of days without sleeping, or getting about 4 hours sleep in two - three days if I'm lucky. I get up at 330am to workout so that I don't disrupt my kids, or don't have to face them crying if I leave to go to a gym. I am on-line what seems like all day trying to get my son's school and my own schoolwork done. I cook, clean, care for my kids and husband, make time for my friends, until I feel myself losing my sanity, my grip on things. And then I realize...it is okay. It's okay for me to escape, if you will, and make time for me. For me, I now know that I have to set boundaries. I have learned that there comes a time every so often when I have to say "ENOUGH!" And I mean it. I get dressed and vanish. Usually I'll go to my favorite spot - my neighborhood Starbucks. It's my haven,...my fortress of solitude! I go there and I'm able to just...be. Sometimes I'll visit an old gal pal and we'll sit with coffee or wine and just chat for hours. The thing is that my husband used to make me feel guilty for doing this and it worked on me. Now however, I know that I can't worry about what he or anyone else thinks because I know what I need for ME to operate at maximum efficiency, and one of the things I need is time for me. I need time to recharge and since weekends trips to the Caribbean isn't an option, Starbucks or girlfriends will have to do.

The moral of this rant? Know yourself. Know what you need to be your very best and give it to yourself - without guilt! You'll be a happier, better person for it. And eventually those around you will realize the benefits too. It's okay to deserve and indulge in yourself from time to time. :)

This Frazzled Life

*Deep cleansing breath*
This past week, Life has had its way with me in a way that would surely would be considered "assault" in any legal sense of the word. I have been bogged down with my own school work, with my sons school work, with marriage stuff, with a possible illness that my son may or may not have, car issues, financial issues, and the list goes on. I've spent the last 3-4 days consumed with worry, crying, anxiety, overall stress beyond what is the norm. I've tried to maintain a calm exterior while inside I'm screaming like a crazy woman. Now I am fully aware that life gets the best of all of us at one time or another. Sure,..I get that. Sometimes I feel as though its goal is to break me. Of course, as is always the case, I triumphed! Yaaay me! The truth is, I FEEL beat. I'm exhausted, drained, full of emotions that I don't even begin to know what to do with, but I know one thing...life,...as mean, crazy, challenging as it can be at times...must go on. So...I think of all the wonderful things I have in my life: my children, my husband, my friends that make me laugh, my health...and despite it all, I'm so very grateful. I'll take whatever life brings my way and make the best of it. And some days...life will knock me down, but it won't KEEP me down. Gen. Patton said, "Now if you're going to win any battle, you have to do one thing...you have to make the mind run the body..." So for those of you hitting hard times or dealing with something less than pleasant...take heart it's all a part of the game. I suppose that's part of the excitement of life.

Out With The Old...

There comes a time in most everyone's life when they realize that a friend just doesn't feel like a friend anymore. It's such an unsettling feeling because for so long they may have been a buddy, a "party" partner, even a confidante, yet now it seems as though you see them in a different light. Perhaps they seem a little colder, snyde remarks slip out from time to time, and you just don't feel the desire to confide in them anymore. Why, you wonder?

Recently, that feeling came over me. I've only had it one other time in my life and that was about 10 years ago. And what I realized is that I was beginning to not like that individual any more. They seemed to be different, and quite honestly, I didn't like who I was seeing. It was difficult because I had been friends with this individual since I was 4 years old! I realized however that I didn't like her anymore. I believe the reason is that we simply grew apart. As I grew, I became one person and she became another and that person isn't someone I would ever choose to be around. So, there we were! Hanging out at the crossroads of our friendship.

Last week that same feeling came over me with a different person, and I recognized it right away. I don't need to think about what it means. I know. I'm growing apart from that person and I don't like who they are now. I could hang around and pretend for a while, but why? I think the hardest thing is that we have history and have been through so much, but life harvests the good and gives us signs when it's time to weed out those that aren't helping us flourish. I feel as though I'm approaching that same crossroads again,...right there at the end of Friendship Blvd, and you know what...I'm okay with it.

Just like a garden, we have to cultivate what we want to grow. That person's great, but just doesn't fit into my garden anymore. It's a part of life's cycle and when it's right, there is no sadness. That person will grow in someone else's garden and no doubt...flourish.

When It's Good...It's Great!

There he is! Yep, that's him. That's my husband. And I think he's the finest man I've ever seen! Ours was a crazy beginning, and now nearly 6 years into the game - we are still together and have 2 amazing children to boot! It hasn't all been easy. Like many others, marriage has been a bumpy, unpaved road, but I believe all good marriages have those in them. Marriage is a ridiculous amout of work in my opinion, especially when you have children. You really have to carve out time for eachother and that's not always easy to do. Some days life just has too many things for you to do and not enough time in which to do them, much less time for another human being. Still, we do what we can, and continue to try to do better.

You see, when it's good,...it's SO good. It's GREAT even! The trouble is that when it's not good,...it feels awful! I hate fighting, arguing, not communicating. Don't we all? In a split second we go from being in love to being mortal enemies! I can hear the bell *Ding! Ding!*, and then the announcer: "ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE?" That's how it feels. It's like an all out battle and I couldn't figure out why for the longest time.

I realize that no one can hurt me like he can. And no one can make me feel like he does. So I try my very best to imprint these "good times" into my mental Rolodex and remember the sweet, funny, loving man that he is, because when a marital squall hits us, it's near impossible for me to see that side of him. I want to be able to see the man that does the dishes without asking after I cooked dinner, or tidies up our dresser and lights candles before bed, or pulls me close to him in the middle of the night, or holds our crying child mid-tantrum and just looks at her and smiles with a calmness that I couldn't muster at that moment if my life depended on it. That's the man I fell in love with. That's the man that makes my heart stop. That's the man that lets me know that marriage is a wonderful thing. He's the man that makes me smile, and that's good enough for me.

Day 14,833

The Mess of Stress...

Stress. Anxiety. Panic. Worry. Four simple words, each of which alone can wreak havoc on your body both physically, mentally, and yes, even emotionally. Yet, many of us succumb to these four demons time and time again. I am no exception. Yep, there it is. It's out there,...I am high anxiety. I will literally stay up all night long, not getting so much as one hour of sleep, worrying about everything from "do we have the best cable plan" to "what if someone kidnaps my child in the middle of the night" to "did I turn on the light outside?" I would do that if I didn't have something that calms me down and helps me relax.

Long gone are the days of falling peacefully off to sleep. I only sleep if Mr. Trazodone lets me. I try not to take any pills for sleep unless I'm on day two of no sleep, then I'll call in the big guns. I do however have no issue enlisting the help of my anti-anxiety pills. I'll tell you, stress and anxiety are numbing. It can be over something small, or when you feel overwhelmed. And it comes on like a squall - out of nowhere and without warning and it's just as devastating if you let it be.

Julius Caesar said, "As a rule, what is out of sight disturbs men's minds more seriously than what they see." For those of us who have the compulsion of needing to "be prepared" and have "contingency plans" we tend to think ahead and try to anticipate any outcome so that we can be prepared for whatever may come, but the fact is that we can't forsee what hasn't happened. And then worry becomes just as someone once said, it becomes a "complete cycle of inefficient thought revolving about a pivot of fear."

So the solution is to relax. Step back, take a good, long, hard look and figure out if our fears and worries are valid. I find it fascinating that humans are the only mammal or animal for that fact, that worries. A gazelle knows by instinct that when grazing it must be cautious because predators lurk about, but it still grazes. And when a predator such as a lion begins a chase, the gazelle follows it's instinct and runs. It lives in the moment. Dogs don't worry. If it wants food, it finds it. If it's thirsty, it searches for water. If it doesn't have shelter, it finds one.

Interestingly, in the Bible, the most frequent instruction given isn't "love God" or "love one another". It's quite simply, "do not be afraid", "do not fear". So, I've decided that I've stressed long enough. I'm going to turn all my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway.

Life...day number 14,826

Playroom Update!

In one of my earlier blogs, I showed a picture of a schoolhouse when I was talking about doing my kids' playroom. Well here's one finished wall! Not the exact same schoolhouse, but I just wanted the general idea. The kids love it and it's so bright and cheery! So happy it's done!

Well, it's been nearly a month since my last blog update. It's interesting how sometimes life seems to take over completely. Not only that, but when it does, sometimes it does so with a wicked, relentless, vengence. It seems that all bad things happen at the same time and don't let up until one cries "UNCLE!" And that's just what I did! Between my school wrapping up for this term (meaning I get a 9 day break), my son's school starting up soon, working out "issues" with my husband and desperately trying to find some "us" time, work pettiness to contend with, trying to workout and not feel horribly guilty when I don't, trying to continue eating healthy and resist the chips that call to me late at night, and trying to find time for "me"...it's been hectic, crazy, and nearly maddening.

As always, I made it though the veritable "storm", nearly unscathed. In all the chaos, I took a hit that rocked me to my very core. I have yet to fully recover, not sure if I ever will, but the "hit" was a realization that perhaps I needed to have thrust at me. And it was. So, in all the hub-bub, some things fell by the wayside...like my blog. Nevertheless, things have calmed down for the time being and hopefully, other than literal monsoons (which I am anxiously awaiting), they will stay calm for a while.

During this time, some great, fun things have happened which I will update soon. One thing I know for certain is that I am quite stronger than I thought I was!! Sometimes, I amaze me! ;)

TS3!!!

The day is almost here! Toy Story 3!!! My kids are SO excited to see it and honestly so am I. We've been watching Toy Story and Toy Story 2 everyday, a few times a day, for the last two weeks! I decided it would be fun to take the kids to see TS3! My husband is grumbling a little because our daughter is only 3 and the last time we went to the movies with the kids she was 2 and didn't sit through the whole thing. So he's thinking we'll shell out $7.00 bucks or whatever kids cost these days and she won't even sit through the whole thing.

My thoughts are: #1. Give her a chance. She's 3 now and she loves the other 2 Toy Stories! #2. So what if she gets up?! It's all about the experience isn't it? And believe me, they'll both be talking about it for days! When the time comes tomorrow, my husband will jump on the bandwagon with me. I just have to let him get his two cents in. ;)

So the kids are already down for "quiet time", hopefully dreaming sweet dreams about Woody and Buzz no doubt. As for me, I'm actually looking forward to seeing the movie, and the fact that we're getting popcorn and the works,...well that's just the butter on top!

Remember Not To Forget

This evening I called up my girlfriend today to let her know I was thinking about her as today is her birthday. She is all of 35, yet she doesn't look a day over 28 (and that's on a bad day).
When I asked her if she had any big plans, she proceeded to tell me that her husband had not yet wished her a happy birthday. (I'll interject at this point and tell you that she lives in DC which means she's three hours later than I am, which means his time is running out.) She was clearly hurt. She sounded down. Her phone was inundated with text messages from her friends wishing her a happy birthday, yet nothing from her husband, who by the way is out of town, and has already spoken to her several times throughout the day.

It got me thinking about how many forgotten days - birthday, anniversary, Mother's day,...whatever, that my husband or any other husband has forgotten. Granted it's not that many for me, but the deal is this: with women, it doesn't have to be very many. One is enough. With all my heart, I believe that those days are simply not a big deal to men. I don't believe they are being hurtful, or that they don't care. I honestly think that they just plain and simple forget.

For us women however we cannot understand that. We cook for you, we clean for you, we love you and our question is the same one that my girlfriend had, "How can you forget the special day of someone that loves you so dearly?" After she said that, I jumped up on my soapbox because she was right,...how can you not remember your wife's birthday, anniversary, or whatever day means something to her? I have to admit, I've been there myself and it does hurt. And the reason it hurts is because women need, yes NEED to feel special. And we want it to be our husbands that make us feel that way. All he needed to do was call her up and wish her a happy birthday. He could've texted her and she would have taken that. She didn't need a gift. She just needed to know that he remembered. The point is he forgot, which in woman-speak means he forgot HER.

So men, please - set your alarms, write it on your calendars, put sticky notes up around the house, get a trusted friend to call you up and remind you about the day, whatever it takes, just don't forget. I know most of us women are needier than you all. And yes, some of us are high-maintenance, and probably even pains-in-the-butts, but the truth is that a woman in love will pull the moon right out of the sky for her man if he asks her to. Indulge us and I promise you, at some point, we'll make it worth your while.

As for my lovely, dear, Trinidadian friend I say this to her: You are divine. You are smart, sassy, strong, funny, caring, and more full of life than anyone I know. And the truth of the matter is that every day that you are around is cause for celebration! When he remembers,...and he will,...he'll feel the same way too.

I Ate the Elephant...

Well it's been about seven days since my last post and it seems like a million things have all happened at once. The old adage: "When it rains, it pours" could not be more true. I will spare you all the ugly details but the short of it is that an "elephant" crept into my life and everything unpleasant seemed to happen all in the span of one week. In the midst of all the crap, I learned a few things though.

The first thing I learned is that just when you think you absolutely cannot handle anything else, you surprise yourself and somehow find a way. I truly thought I was at my wit's end. I felt spent, beaten down, stressed, and about 30 seconds shy of climbing a clock tower and taking people out at random. So do you know what I did? I clocked out. I cancelled everything planned for the day, left the kids with my husband, didn't tell a soul where I was going and spent the day with the one person who could truly understand what I was feeling...me.

I treated myself to a pedicure, then to coffee at the nearest Barnes & Noble, then to a movie - complete with popcorn and all! I put all those worries and stresses aside (as I knew they would still be there at the end of the day), and I just took time for me. It was glorious! Not only did I feel renewed, I felt as though I could see things clearer. All those problems that seemed insurmountable, now seemed conquerable. After my "me" day was done. I went home with no one the wiser.

I learned that for me, I need to have more "me" days. I tend to overload myself and in the end everyone suffers. I also learned that I am so much stronger than I thought I was. Most importantly, I learned what my limits are and that I have to respect them. As expected the elephant was still there, so I did the only thing I could do...I ate him...one bite at a time.

Best Laid Plans...

Today I found myself quite busy with plans on re-doing my kids' playroom and morphing it into a classroom-type atmosphere. We'll be painting the walls, putting up learning tools, and making it more conducive to learning. Learning,...hmmm,...that's exactly what I should've been doing today with my own school work. Unfortunately procrastination once again got the best of me. So, tomorrow it's "nose to the grindstone" to get my own stuff done, but I'm very excited about the prospect for the room. I will post pictures as we progress. I've always said that I work best under pressure, and although I believe that to be true, it's not always the best situation to be in. I'll be working on that. Meanwhile,...having a project again sure is fun! :)

Fly Home.

Today, as I write this, a friend of mine is on a plane with her husband, baby boy, and two daughters, heading to a new city, a new adventure and a new life. She was born and raised in Arizona and they have decided to move to where his family lives which is in Boston, MA. Yep, she's moving her family clear across the country. They will be living with his parents, around his friends, and his siblings.

It reminds me of when my husband and I did that exact same thing 4 years ago. We moved from my home base of Arizona to Syracuse, NY. I didn't know a soul there. It was HIS family, HIS friends, HIS siblings and it quickly felt just like that - all about HIM, not "us". Our son was just a few months old and honestly, I never felt so lonely in my life. I was so excited in the beginning. When we arrived there was such a fuss. People were over to his mom's house all day long. Then the weekend was over and regular life resumed. I felt as though I had nothing to do, nowhere to go, and I was displaced. Our "stuff" had not arrived yet, and neither had our car. I loathe living out of a suitcase and yet that is exactly what we were doing. To make an incredibly long story short, I hated living there. I missed my doctor, my nail tech, my grocery store, my coffee shop...my life. Incidently, almost exactly one year to the day, we moved back to Tucson.

Changing your whole life like that takes a lot of faith and patience and sometimes it works and sometimes you realize exactly what you need to be happy. For me, it was my friends, familiarity, and a relationship with my husband that didn't include me having to fight with his family over his time. Quite simply put, I needed a life of our own. I knew that living in Syracuse, we'd never have that.

So now, as I think of my friend, on that plane, and think of what may lie ahead for her, I wish her the very best. I also take immense pleasure in thinking about the fact that today I'll visit MY nail technician, and head to MY grocery store, meet up with MY friends for coffee and end the day spending time with MY husband; just him, our kids, and me. And I wouldn't want it any other way. The best flight I ever took, was my flight - home.

Cyn... - DivineCaroline

Cyn... is a member of the DivineCaroline community and publishes on www.divinecaroline.com. We think you may like to read their work.

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$13.00 and 2.6 lbs...

If I've said it once, I've said it a million time...always listen to your instincts! Some say it's God whispering in your ear. Some say it's the better part of you guiding you. Whatever you believe, believe this: LISTEN!

Today wasn't ending so great. Two days ago, I had gone on a literal "hunt" for fashionable, quality flatware for my in-laws' anniversary which is coming up. My husband freely admitted to having no idea when their anniversary was, but I felt I had a pretty good idea. (Yes, I was right on the date.) I took it upon myself to get a gift for them, otherwise, they would likely receive a phone call from my husband a week late to wish them a Happy Anniversary. We agreed that we would mail the gift out today. When I woke him from his nap to tell him he needed to get it mailed, he snapped at me stating that it was my project and I should do it. I quickly reminded him that it was for "his" parents. In my mind I'm thinking, "No thank you, just grief? Wow!" Okay, well lesson learned. Next year, I'll let him get his parents a big box of nothing for their anniversary.

Every Monday night I go to my Weight Watchers meeting at 6:30p. I meet up with my dear friend (and WW buddy) Larry. He's absolutely wonderful. He's encouraging, fun, and he understands my never-ending battle with weight, as he fights his own too. So, knowing that I have my meeting tonight, I prepared dinner early. I prepared flank steak, with rice, orange chicken and corn. Upon presenting to my kids they said, "Mommy, this is deeeelicious!" I smiled. Upon presenting it to my husband he said, "How many people are eating this?" All I could muster was, "WOW! I live for the day when you can manage a simple "Thank you". " I felt deflated. Truth be told, I didn't want to go to my WW meeting. I was sure I'd gained weight. I normally make a lovely veggie, chicken soup on Sundays - which Larry and I "soup swap" after our meeting on Mondays, and we eat soup at the salon on Tues./Weds. for lunch. It's a great, healthy "go-to" snack food. However, this week I didn't make any. Despite my desire to stay home, I followed my "instincts" and got in my car to go to my meeting anyway.

I'm SO glad I did! Once in my car, I felt better immediately and I told myself that I knew I had gained weight and it was okay. I would just start fresh and get back on track. I called Larry and he was just as positive and encouraging as I knew he would be. He'd be at the meeting early. I walked into the meeting and was greeted with smiles. My fearless leader Joanne said she'd missed me last week. It felt good to be among friends.

I was ready to accept my defeat for this week and move on. It was my turn at the scale. I took out my $13.00 and paid my dues. I got on the scale and said, "Okay, how much did I gain?" Joanne said, "Honey, you lost 2.6 lbs!" Sweet Fancy Moses! I couldn't believe it!! And I could not have been happier! I didn't care that my husband had made me feel deflated. I didn't care that I was feeling stressed over school work. I was elated. It was EXACTLY the boost I needed!

I took a deep breath, tried to reel in the smile that was consuming my face. I felt renewed and worthy again. Joanne gave an inspirational message during our meeting and I felt every cent of that $13.00 was well spent. My husband couldn't understand why I felt the need to pay every week "to have someone weigh me", as he so simply puts it. It was then that I realized that he simply would not understand that it was so much more than that. It was a support system that gave me encouragement, inspiration and understanding that in my mind - was priceless.

After the meeting I wasn't ready to go home just yet. I was proud and thrilled and wanted to reward myself for at least mustering up the courage to go when I didn't want to. Did I reward myself with a decadent piece of chocolate? Nope. No, candy, no coffee even. I popped by the nearest Ulta store and bought myself a new nail polish. It was the perfect little reward. As I drove home I couldn't stop thinking about how happy losing that 2.6 lbs has made me. I didn't look any different. It didn't alter my life greatly. So why was it such a big deal to me.

I realized that it was 2.6 lbs of validation! That 2.6 lbs. was proof that I can attain my goals, that the 3:30 am jaunts to the gym ARE worth it, that my "Sunday soup" IS good for me and better than munching on chips which is what I really crave. It wasn't about school, or kids, or my husband or family, or anything or anyone else. It was all about me. MY triumph, and I will gladly admit that there are times when I absolutely need something to be just about "me".

When I got home, I didn't share my news with anyone. I was high all on my own and I felt that if I shared my news and got a "less than" reaction, it would just burst my bubble. I didn't need their validation anyway. I had my own. I know I can do this. I know that it's a slow battle, but if I persevere, I'll reach my goals. And I know that I may have to do it without the support of my family, and I have come to accept that fact. Most importantly, I know that I have to trust myself. I have to take time to listen to myself and I have to take time to give back to "me". I'm motivated again and my goals seem a little bit clearer and closer. I'll be high on those 2.6 lbs all week!

Sundays...

It's finally upon us...Sunday. Technically I should be starting a new unit for school, but I tend to take Sunday off and do whatever I want. This is a perfect day to update my blog, check out Facebook and see what's new, catch up on my writing if I want or my latest book club book (which currently is "Drood" and I highly recommend it!). The problem is that sometimes, I want to do a little of everything and time simply doesn't permit it.

I was fortunate enough to spend time with the kids this morning playing games and putting puzzles together. We loved it! Now, I feel inspired and although I want to continue working on a writing project that I've begun, "Drood" keeps calling for me to open up my Sony Reader to see what he's up to.

As scheduled as my days are it's so nice to not have anything planned and to just make it up as I go along. Days like this are relaxing and help me to forget how crazy and hectic life can get. So, the moral of this blog is...step back, take a day and just "be". Find something that you enjoy that you normally would not take time to do and just do it. And most important: do not feel guilty for indulging. You've earned it and you deserve it. I know I do! ;) Happy Sunday!!!

Time for me...

It's 7:36pm and my family just finished having dinner. What a day!!! I was swamped with last minute school work that I put off from yesterday and the day before. In the middle of doing two exams, two homework assignments and one discussion post, I managed to cook a pot roast with rice, honey bbq chicken wings and cut up a watermelon, of which I had none. My dinner? Coffee. After today, it relaxes me and comforts me. The craziness will start again Monday, so I'll just enjoy this evening and tomorrow (taking it off from schoolwork) and try not to feel guilty about it.

I feel the need to come clean here and admit that I got a "B" on one of my exams and it's KILLING ME!!! I missed two questions - one was my own dumb fault for not double-checking, the other is contestable, which I have already submitted an email requesting correction. And my "type A", obsessive-ish personality can't stop thinking about that damn "B"!!! In my almost two years studying Forensics, I've never gotten less than an "A" on anything and now this atrocity!?!!! The lesson for me is learning to deal with "less than" sometimes.

I spoke with my mother-in-law today. Yes, I called her. I just had an overwhelming desire to chit-chat with her. It was pleasant as always and during our conversation, I missed her. She's really a dear and sadly is simply taken for granted by her kids and it bothers me. I updated her on the happenings here and she updated me on the goings-on there and in the end, I was very thankful that we live 2,936 miles away - not from her, rather from the DRAMA that invades every part of their lives. My in-laws anniversary is coming up and Fonzie and I decided (on my suggestion) to buy them new flatware. We chose a lovely style and not only is it really pretty, but it's durable and low and behold...It doesn't bend!!! I wish I could be there to give it to them, but we'll be sending it out Monday. Tomorrow I will pick-up the anniversary cookie (we opted for that instead of cake) and a Key Lime pie (my dad's favorite) for their anniversary. Although it isn't until Monday, we'll present their gift to them tomorrow. 42 years!!!! The mere thought stuns me! Fonzie and I have been together only 6 years and I feel proud of that small accomplishment. These days marriages are disposible it seems and I miss the days when marriage was sacred. Although my dear husband and I don't always see eye-to-eye, I think the best thing he's ever said to me was during a time when we were fighting and he said, "The fact is that we're going to be together forever, so we might as well learn how to deal with each other." I'll never forget that, and no doubt - I'll hold him to it. ;)

Cynful Scents...

Today, "my favorite things" are perfumes. I absolutely adore fine fragrances, or fragrances that make me feel pretty, energized, sexy, or even happy. Here are a few of my favs!

Quelques Fleurs - An all-time favorite. It's rich, timeless, and smells classic and elegant.

Donna Karan - Black Cashmere was originally described to me as having leather and suede notes with pepper. The saleswoman told me that it smelled like sex in the very best way. I bought it immediately! It's absolutely intoxicating!!!

Jivago 24K - This is a beautiful scent. It's luxurious, fresh, and very feminine.

The great thing is that each of these fragrances can be worn any time of the year. They are lovely and worth the price. Start dropping hints now to your husband, boyfriend, partner, or significant other and you may just score one of these as a sweet surprise!

A little "pretty"...

So from time to time I realize that I need to get a few things for myself. Now these are "things" that I consider a luxury, although, the truth is that they are in fact a necessity, and after I mention them you'll understand why I say that. During one of my "late-night, can't sleep" events, I turned to QVC and watch Bare Escentuals. Leslie Blogget was talking about her new Buxom colors of lip gloss and I found myself contemplating calling up and ordering. I didn't, however I decided to pop by Ulta yesterday and check them out. $15.00 would buy me lovely, shiny, plump, glossy lips that would surely tantalize my husband as well as moisturize my chapped lips. SOLD! My thoughts were: I really did need a new lip gloss and I would just end up at Walgreens to buy something I didn't really want at almost the same cost, so...?

I've gone from a fine fragrances gal to a Calgon user, so while in Ulta, I decided to see if there were any sales on non-Calgonish body scents. I stumbled across Sula. They are fragrances and body oils that smell heavenly!!! As I stood there sampling the different delicious scents, one stood out above the rest and I kept gravitating towards the same delicious, intoxicating scent: Butterfly Kisses!!!! I decided then and there that I deserved this $18.00 indulgence. I bought it along with a few other items that I "needed" (as I can't be expected to go out of the house with no make-up for fear of frightening children and the elderly), and promptly put some on (just a dab) as soon as I got out of the store. I LOVE IT!!! It's subtle, lovely, and oh-so-feminine!!!! Did I HAVE to have it? No. Do I have buyers remorse over it? Not a chance! I deserve a little "pretty" from time to time.

Today...

This week has found me smack in the middle of a scholastic dilema of sorts. I have found myself going head-to-head (in the most respectful way of course) with my Biological Evidence Professor, who also happens to be a Lieutenant. I won't bore you with the details, however I will say that I find myself surprised at my tenacity over this issue. Okay, I am very self-aware. I know I am very Type A. I know I am a bit obsessive about my grades, etc. I get that. And in really thinking about this issue that I've been dealing with, I've come to realize that it's not over ego, it's not about me being right, it's not wholly about my grades, rather it's about what is just. It consumes me (right up until my anti-anxiety pill kicks in.) :) I presented my case, took it to the next level after not receiving the result I wanted and in the end, the issue got resolved to my satisfaction. The point of my sharing this with you? The point is that for a few moments I began to doubt myself. I wondered if I was really making a mountain out of a mole-hill for no good reason. My instincts told me to persist, but a little, uninvited voice planted a seed of doubt. What I learned was that I have to always trust myself. From now on, I will.

Moving on to the rest of this week. Well I am looking forward to it. I am treating myself to nail services tomorrow and my husband is off of work, so he and Gunnar are getting "groomed" at the salon. Tomorrow, I'll whip up some chicken vegetable soup (as I do every week.) It's a perfect staple to have on hand. When I want to snack, I grab a bowl of veggie soup. Since Fonzie's not a fan of the veg., I'll make some BBQ chicken for him and the kids. I adore cooking and am happy to have my family to cook for. I well remember the days of being single when I rarely cooked because cooking for one is harder than one would think. Overall, this has been a good week, one that I will definitely file in my mental Rolodex for use on future dates.

Tonight, I sit here catching up on e-mail, Facebooking, and watching the hour get later knowing that Fonzie and I get to sleep in tomorrow. The kids are content watching a movie before going to bed. Fonzie's watching ESPN (no doubt) and I can sit back and catch up on the latest book in my Sony reader. I'm in no rush, and it's the most delicious feeling. Today,...tonight,...life is good. My cup runneth over. :)

Trying out "no" to see how it fits!

I was up bright and early this morning to take my mom to dialysis, 4:30am to be exact! I hadn't been feeling too well from the night before. For some reason I was sick to my stomach and became very familiar with the toilet while on my knees. My intention on agreeing to get up so early to take my mom was to hit the gym afterwards however due to still not feeling well, I skipped it and headed to a 24-hour Walgreens to pick up a mini-notebook. Why you ask?

I've decided, in my never-ending attempt to get in shape, to write down everything I put in my mouth and count the calories. My goal is no more than 1200 calories per day minus whatever calories I burn working out. There are a couple of really great calorie-counting sites out there like fitclick.com and my newly discovered and new favorite caloriecounter.com. So, I track everything and log it into the site and track my caloric intake. We'll see how it works. Wish me luck. I know that being more aware of it will help keep me on track. I just need to stick to it. And so,...that brings me to "no".

All to often circumstances arise in which I have a decision to make. Usually a decision that I know I should say "no" to, yet,...I don't. I ponder it. I think about it. I talk myself into it. An example? Okay. When working at the salon, most weeks I bring my own lunch however inevitably the question arises: Want lunch? Instead of just saying "no" immediately because I already brought my own, I ponder the question and then I usually say "Sure, where do you want to eat?" In thinking about it, I have to wonder, why do I do that? Why don't I just say "no thanks" and leave it at that? I could save money, save calories, but the idea of eating out seems so appealing. Had I just said, "No thanks. I brought my own lunch", it would've been over and done with. So, from now on, at least for this week, I'm going to try on "no's" and see how they fit me. I am pretty certain the conviction of a good, solid, firm "no" will help me stay on track and I'm thinking I'll feel much better at the end of the day. I'll keep you posted.

Meanwhile, I'm excited to track my food, exercise activity and see what comes of it. Weight and health is a never-ending, mind-numbing battle that I am hell bent on winning if it kills me!!! And it just might. ;D Stay tuned!

Arizona Evenings...

Saturday January 30, 2010

Well, I have just finished all of my schoolwork! Yep, two weeks worth of work in pretty much one day. I loathe last minute crunch time, but I also thrive and find a way to get it all done in that type of situation. Let's hope I don't encounter it again for a while.

Last night was the "wolf" full moon. It was huge, bright and gorgeous. Here are some pictures:

The moon is not as easy to photograph as you'd think. Either way, it was lovely. Only to be followed tonight by a firey sunset.

We capped off the night with a delicious breaded pork tenderloin dinner. It's now about 7:50pm and the kids are ready for their snack before bed. All I want to do is log off, grab my kids, snuggle in bed next to my husband and watch iCarly! :) It was a really good day and I am so grateful for my lovely little family! All is good in the world tonight. Sleep well all.

Sweet Distractions

January 29, 2010,

Well, it's Friday and I haven't come close to finishing my schoolwork for this week and it's due tomorrow by midnight!!! The kids have required sooo much attention and it's so hard to say, "No, mommy has to study. Ask daddy to play." These are times that will pass all too quickly I am sure and so I put my books away and spend time with them. I figure I can get up early and make up the study time. Sleep, schmeep! Who needs it...right? ;)

Tonight I had a stuffed bell pepper for dinner. Well, actually, my brother made stuffed peppers, however I have yet to eat mine. I made burritos for my husband and kids and they loved it. You know how sometimes after cooking you just don't want to actually eat anything yourself? Yeah,..well, I'm there now. But I am really looking forward to digging into a pepper! I could eat stuffed bell peppers for breakfast!!!!! I LOVE THEM!!!

Tonight is the "wolf" moon. It is one of the fullest, biggest, brightest moons of the year. The pictures didn't come out as great as I would have liked, but the moon isn't very easy to photograph well.

Well, I'll keep practicing. Regardless it sure is a bright moon!!!

Okay, I just bit into the stuffed pepper,...WOW!!! They sure are delicious!!!!! I'm full already, but they are so good, I just want to stuff more into my mouth! Ugh! Where's the Prilosec?! LOL I'm tired now and this is one of those days that I wish I didn't have schoolwork to do. I'll rest early and get up early and finish it. I promise! ;)

Side thought: I want to be the one that finds a way to create, market and sell time. I'd make a fortune in about 30 seconds flat!!! Oh well, dare to dream eh?

Tonight and the last many nights, I've been thinking of those in Haiti. Mainly the children. How scared must they be? How horrible for those children that have lost parents, AND for those parents that have lost their children?! For those of us that don't have private jumbo jets and multi-millions with which to fly in doctors and supplies, there must be something more we can do. I'm thinking fund-raising. I don't think any of us can truly imagine what they must be coping with. My wish is that everyone do at least one thing to help. Just one thing, afterall, one day, no doubt, it will be one of us. For now, sleep well and safe everyone.

New Year! Hello 2010!!

Well here we are,...dawning of a new year. Yep, 2010 is upon us and with each new year there is new hope. As for me, I will say that I am committing to making no resolutions. My goals of losing weight, saving money and being the best mom and wife I can be are constants and therefore I won't define them as "resolutions".

Our NYE evening was spent watching HGTV with my hubby while our kids fell fast asleep after a long day of hanging out at the zoo and park. It was a wonderful day and that evening there was no place else I'd rather be. The days of partying all night to welcome in the new year are long gone. And you know what I say to that..."Good riddance!" :) I have no desire to do that anymore. I am perfectly content with being at home, tucked in all warm and cozy knowing my kids and hubby are close by and safe.

I must say however that I do have a renewed sense of self, a strong drive and determination that I almost lost last year. I am not foolish enough to think that this year will be easy by any means, however, I know that I will be able to handle whatever comes my way. I am anticipating a busy, full year. Gunnar will be busy learning new things and I will be teaching him many new things to prepare him for 1st grade. Brogan too will be busy learning from her workbooks and getting ready to write. She's only 2 but she already recognizes her letters. My own schoolwork will keep me busy, as will the salon.

I don't know what 2010 holds for me and my family, but I know that we're strong and we've weathered many storms and we'll handle whatever comes our way. Fonzie has some things, good things, going on in his life that I feel will be great positives for him and as a result for us as well. I'm excited about that! All-in-all, 2009 wore out its welcome and I was more than ready for 2010! So,...HELLO 2010! Bring us good things this year and when you need to challenge us,...just go easy a bit,...will ya?!