If I've said it once, I've said it a million time...always listen to your instincts! Some say it's God whispering in your ear. Some say it's the better part of you guiding you. Whatever you believe, believe this: LISTEN!
Today wasn't ending so great. Two days ago, I had gone on a literal "hunt" for fashionable, quality flatware for my in-laws' anniversary which is coming up. My husband freely admitted to having no idea when their anniversary was, but I felt I had a pretty good idea. (Yes, I was right on the date.) I took it upon myself to get a gift for them, otherwise, they would likely receive a phone call from my husband a week late to wish them a Happy Anniversary. We agreed that we would mail the gift out today. When I woke him from his nap to tell him he needed to get it mailed, he snapped at me stating that it was my project and I should do it. I quickly reminded him that it was for "his" parents. In my mind I'm thinking, "No thank you, just grief? Wow!" Okay, well lesson learned. Next year, I'll let him get his parents a big box of nothing for their anniversary.
Every Monday night I go to my Weight Watchers meeting at 6:30p. I meet up with my dear friend (and WW buddy) Larry. He's absolutely wonderful. He's encouraging, fun, and he understands my never-ending battle with weight, as he fights his own too. So, knowing that I have my meeting tonight, I prepared dinner early. I prepared flank steak, with rice, orange chicken and corn. Upon presenting to my kids they said, "Mommy, this is deeeelicious!" I smiled. Upon presenting it to my husband he said, "How many people are eating this?" All I could muster was, "WOW! I live for the day when you can manage a simple "Thank you". " I felt deflated. Truth be told, I didn't want to go to my WW meeting. I was sure I'd gained weight. I normally make a lovely veggie, chicken soup on Sundays - which Larry and I "soup swap" after our meeting on Mondays, and we eat soup at the salon on Tues./Weds. for lunch. It's a great, healthy "go-to" snack food. However, this week I didn't make any. Despite my desire to stay home, I followed my "instincts" and got in my car to go to my meeting anyway.
I'm SO glad I did! Once in my car, I felt better immediately and I told myself that I knew I had gained weight and it was okay. I would just start fresh and get back on track. I called Larry and he was just as positive and encouraging as I knew he would be. He'd be at the meeting early. I walked into the meeting and was greeted with smiles. My fearless leader Joanne said she'd missed me last week. It felt good to be among friends.
I was ready to accept my defeat for this week and move on. It was my turn at the scale. I took out my $13.00 and paid my dues. I got on the scale and said, "Okay, how much did I gain?" Joanne said, "Honey, you lost 2.6 lbs!" Sweet Fancy Moses! I couldn't believe it!! And I could not have been happier! I didn't care that my husband had made me feel deflated. I didn't care that I was feeling stressed over school work. I was elated. It was EXACTLY the boost I needed!
I took a deep breath, tried to reel in the smile that was consuming my face. I felt renewed and worthy again. Joanne gave an inspirational message during our meeting and I felt every cent of that $13.00 was well spent. My husband couldn't understand why I felt the need to pay every week "to have someone weigh me", as he so simply puts it. It was then that I realized that he simply would not understand that it was so much more than that. It was a support system that gave me encouragement, inspiration and understanding that in my mind - was priceless.
After the meeting I wasn't ready to go home just yet. I was proud and thrilled and wanted to reward myself for at least mustering up the courage to go when I didn't want to. Did I reward myself with a decadent piece of chocolate? Nope. No, candy, no coffee even. I popped by the nearest Ulta store and bought myself a new nail polish. It was the perfect little reward. As I drove home I couldn't stop thinking about how happy losing that 2.6 lbs has made me. I didn't look any different. It didn't alter my life greatly. So why was it such a big deal to me.
I realized that it was 2.6 lbs of validation! That 2.6 lbs. was proof that I can attain my goals, that the 3:30 am jaunts to the gym ARE worth it, that my "Sunday soup" IS good for me and better than munching on chips which is what I really crave. It wasn't about school, or kids, or my husband or family, or anything or anyone else. It was all about me. MY triumph, and I will gladly admit that there are times when I absolutely need something to be just about "me".
When I got home, I didn't share my news with anyone. I was high all on my own and I felt that if I shared my news and got a "less than" reaction, it would just burst my bubble. I didn't need their validation anyway. I had my own. I know I can do this. I know that it's a slow battle, but if I persevere, I'll reach my goals. And I know that I may have to do it without the support of my family, and I have come to accept that fact. Most importantly, I know that I have to trust myself. I have to take time to listen to myself and I have to take time to give back to "me". I'm motivated again and my goals seem a little bit clearer and closer. I'll be high on those 2.6 lbs all week!
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