Fitting It All In.

I am constantly amazed at what a woman is truly capable of when she puts her mind to something.  As a mom of two small kids (ages 4 and 6), a wife, a friend, and a student, I sometimes surprise myself at what I can accomplish in a given day.  I hate to have to "toot" my own horn but perhaps this is more for all multi-tasking moms out there rather than just for me.  I have quite a few friends who are moms and the juggling act that we all perform on a daily basis can be incredible at times. 

Let me walk you through a "normal" day.  It starts off at 5am when I wake up (which is only about 15 minutes before the kids wake up).  I clean up, get coffee started (as that's the catalyst that really holds my morning together), and make myself presentable, (which is done to make me feel human more than anything else).  I sit for about 15 - 20 minutes and figure out what I have to get done today, check my calendar for any outstanding appointments, and begin to create a schedule for the day.  No sooner do I begin this task, when the kids come meandering in asking for breakfast.  At 530am?!  Nope, too early for breakfast.  A piece of fruit is given to tide them over until about 7am when I will gladly serve them breakfast.  Off they go to watch cartoons.  I'm okay with it because it buys me a little more quiet time.

I grab a mug of piping hot coffee and my day begins.  I pull chicken or beef out of the freezer and decide on what to cook for dinner.  My husband hates this as he says, "It's not even breakfast time and you're worried about dinner?!"  Yes!  That's how it works.  We need to figure out what is for dinner early on so there is time to thaw the meat and head to the grocery store for any outstanding ingredients we'll need later in the day.  Dinner is decided. I check to make sure all ingredients are available.  Dinner - taken care of, all I have to do is cook it later.  One thing is off of my list now.

Since my son attends public school virtually (meaning he is assigned a teacher and attends via the computer with me as his "learning coach"), I have to schedule the next 4 hours to do his computer schooling and paper schoolwork with him.  Luckily my brother or my husband usually volunteer to do his worksheets with him, so this cuts down the time I have to spend.  This means I need to spend the next two hours (approximately) doing Gunnar's computer work with him.  During this time, I also have to find Kindergarten work for Brogan to do as she wants to be involved as well.  Plus it's good prep for her for when she does enter Kindergarten.  Once that is done, I get him situated with his worksheets and send him off to whomever decides to work with him.  All the meanwhile, I am filling up cups with ice and water, fetching snacks, breaking up arguments and fights while answering emails, phone calls, and scheduling appointments for my family, and trying to listen and seem interested in the stories my kids are telling me about the latest Zoe 101 episode.  Of course there are the visits to the potty to help my daughter while she's doing her "thing" in there and more breaking up arguments between the two kids. 

They then busy themselves playing while I settle in to do my own studying.  As a junior (I just changed my major to Bachelors in Criminal Justice focusing on Criminology), I have a full load of classes that I need to handle.  I have a cumulative 4.0 GPA and have not gotten less than that in my time in college, nor do I plan to.  In order to maintain it I have to have the time to study and a quiet place to study.  That's not always feasible at home.  Thinking that it's quiet and I can now study, I buckle down and begin to situate myself with where I need to begin.  Of course by this time my kids rush in saying, "Mommy can you make us lunch?"  Right as I'm about to respond with a "no, it's way too early", I peek at the clock in the lower right corner of my laptop and realize it's already a little past noon!  WOW! Already?  My response quickly changes to "Sure" because I know that hungry kids have more tenacity that full ones do.  My goal is to give them a hearty lunch that will hopefully slow them down and if I strategically combine that with a nearly 2-hour Disney movie, maybe, just maybe they'll fall asleep; giving me much needed study time and them a much needed rest.  So, I get up and make them chicken with macaroni and cheese, peas, and a banana.  A good meal with just enough carbs to put down a grizzly!  Another 45 minutes of my day is spent. 

After I clean the dishes, get the movie on and the kids settle in, a good 15 minutes has passed me by.  It's now well past 1:30p and I get a phone call from a friend and fellow student requesting help on a paper.  I assist her while logging into my school and simultaneously doing some pre-research of my own.  Fifteen more minutes later and I've been a good friend and helped her out. Now, it's time to feed into my own demon - procrastination.  I do this by allowing it to get the best of me and I check Facebook.  I have no need, just a distraction from the countless other distractions that have already plagued me.  Finally, I go "stealth" on FB so that I can't chat and I log in to school, open up my books, pull out my highlighter and I'm engrossed in my classes and schoolwork.  You see, once I get started I'm fine.  It's the "getting started" part that is my challenge.

I feel that I have a finite window of study opportunity here because I loathe studying past 6p and I almost refuse to unless I'm backed up against a deadline.  I simply don't compute things well past that time.  I would rather get up at 2am to get things done that do them later in the evening.  In this case however, my study window is really closer to 5p since I need to make dinner.  So now I have about 3.5 hours to study and get school postings done.  Doesn't sound like much time until I take inventory of the day.  What have I done?

Well I made breakfast and lunch for the kids and my hubby, I've done school with my son, I've scheduled my husband's physical therapy for his neck/back and made a follow-up appointment with his primary.  I've helped a friend with her issues, answered emails, updated the grocery list (as our monthly shopping trip is two days away), I've checked the weekly ads for the major grocery stores we shop at, I've helped my daughter and son in the potty countless times, I've cleaned up the kitchen and baked cookies, I've washed and dried two loads of laundry, stopped to give my solicited opinion on the addition that is being done on our house, prepared dinner, caught up on my textbook readings, lectures, and slideshows and even managed to write a paper and answer a discussion.  I can't imagine having to work a secular job as well.  For my lovely female friends that do, I salute you!!!!  I sit back at times and marvel at the ability that us women have to multi-task.  We are experts at it.  My husband will do one thing extraordinarily well, but to have him do multiple things at a time isn't going to happen. 

So for my mom friends or even multi-tasking female friends, this "TOOT, TOOT" is for you; for US!  I don't think our families realize how much we do.  I think there are times when we don't realize how much we do until the end of the day when we are so utterly exhausted that we are forced to ask ourselves why are we so tired and only then do we recap our day.  Ladies, kudos to us for handling so much, for loving it, and for appreciating the fact that we "get" to have our family that keeps us so frazzled and busy!  Somedays we need to "toot" our own horns.  We've earned that right, most of us don't though.  When would we fit it in?

Jedi Mom

The year is 2011. The day is Wednesday and the place is my local Target store. My husband and I decided to hit the store after a day of movie-going with the kids, pizza, and games. Needless to say, the kids had no cause for complaints today, however where there's a will, there's a way. And my son found that way at Target where he proceeded to throw a tantrum and complain that he "never gets anything!" Of course, his tantrum continued and was as loud and annoying as one of those car alarms that randomly go off in the parking lot with no owner in sight.

By this time, it was close to 5pm and we had been out since 10:30 that morning and my patience was long gone. Every second that his tantrum continued, I could feel my blood literally rise inside me. My husband had already bailed and was nearly to the electronics department by now, as he was more of the "just give him what he wants to keep him quiet" mindset. Uh, I don't think so! It will be a cold day in July in Tucson before I give in to a tantrum from anyone, much less a 5 year old! So I pulled him aside in the sporting goods section and had a little pow-wow with him.

I expressed that his behavior was unacceptable and that throwing a tantrum will guarantee a "NO" to nearly any request large or small. I gave him two options: 1. Continue to throw the tantrum and forget about ice cream (as was planned before the tantrum), or 2. Calm down, behave, and we would consider the toy for our next visit there. Our conversation took about 4 minutes ending with him making the decision to behave and calm down. After we got the ice cream and we finally got home, I was absolutely spent! I was exhausted, mostly mentally, but emotionally and physically as well. It was astonishing because I had to use strategy, psychological tactics, and remember everything I learned from Sun Tzu about negotiation skills just to handle my 5 year old!

Thirty-five years ago that scenario would have NEVER taken place. Not only that, but as a child I would have never even contemplated behaving in such a manner. I came from the "spare the rod, spoil the child" days, and no parent was going to let either of those happen. There was no discussion about anything. It was very simply, "because I said so!" Enough said. And if a child was brave, daring, or just dumb enough to question that, the next answer came in the form of a belt across the backside. If one happened to live in Virginia, (as I did for quite a few years), where bushes were aplenty, you then got to pick your own "weapon of mass destruction" as it were, otherwise known as a switch. Ahhh yes, you got to go out to the bush, pick off a thin, long branch, de-leaf it, and hand it over so that someone else could swat your bottom with it. One swipe of that switch and you could hear the distinct "whish" that it made as it cut through the air. At least I didn't have to say "Thank You" when it was over.

Granted, looking back, those days may have been a bit harsh in my mind. I'm betting they'd be considered a lot harsh by many these days. As a mom though I have to say those tactics worked. I had the fear of God and my dad in me. He wasn't mean at all, but all it took was a look from him (or my mom for that matter, promptly followed by a "wait 'til your father gets home") to put the kibosh on any possible stray thought that may have accidently wandered into my mind about misbehaving.

And so as I stood in the baseball aisle of Target, catching my breath after having negotiated good behavior out of my son, I wondered: when did it all change? When did discipline become a negotiation of sorts? I thought to myself, “Now I get it!” I understood why spankings were so prevalent when I was growing up. They’re easier!! They are to the point. They don’t leave room for lengthy negotiations. Teaching a child about choices, guiding them to help them make the right decisions, educating them about consequences, and showing understanding and patience all the while are not only time-consuming, but down-right tiring. The question is: is it worth it in the end? I sure hope so. Ask me in 10 years.

I do know this though, I love that my kids ask why. I love that they are tenacious and persistent. Those are powerful tools and qualities that will serve them well in adulthood. Ralph Bunche said, “To make our way, we must have firm resolve, persistence, and tenacity. We must gear ourselves to work hard all the way. We can never let up.” If that’s the case, then my kids are half way there!

For now, it’s their job to ask as many questions as they can think of. It’s their job to push the limits and try to expand the boundaries to their benefit. They are like mini Jedis and I’m like a Jedi Master. It’s my job to teach them how to best wield their power and control those “tools” and to do it with love and understanding. Of course arming myself with a smidge of cleverness, a skosh of craftiness, and a dash of “one-step-ahead-of-the-game” just might get me through this unscathed. Exhausted, but unscathed.

Just Around The Corner...

Ahhh the mall! The house of worship for a congregation of teenage parishioners. They hang out, loiter, dress in ways that should be "fine-able". Do their parents know they are there? Do they care? They are not the only issue I have with malls. Is it just me or does it seem like when you walk into a mall, the air changes? I immediately feel as though there is an invisible fog of bacteria and viruses floating all around me. I'm not a germaphobe, but perhaps I'm a bit paranoid. How can there possibly be THAT many people inside one area and it still be healthy? It is the very last place I choose to be unless dragged there at gunpoint. I truly avoid it at all costs.

I hate taking my kids there because they inevitably want to play in that bacteria-ridden, children's cesspool near the food court. A bit extreme maybe, but surely you've seen the kids that are playing in there. Forget about the coughing, runny noses, and sneezing that are rampant in that area. Let's talk about how the kids literally run amok like migrating wildebeest through the Serengeti trampling everything in their path. Hello?! There are little children in here! It's as though parents think as long as they pass the shoe cubbies and they're within the play area they no longer have to parent their kids. I don't think so.

Needless to say, my husband and I view that area as a "hot zone" which by CDC standards is the area in which airborne infectious diseases reside. My kids are welcome to go play in there once hazmat gear is provided. Until then, we'll stick to parks and rec.

I don't dislike everything about the mall. The food court for example is a "foodie's" dream. Who in this world wouldn't like to sink their teeth into a gooey, rich, cinnamonny, delectable Cinnabon?! Oh Sweet Moses! I'd love to just buy a gallon of the frosting and slather it all over me from time to time. It's THAT yummy! Or what about movie popcorn?! Yes, that's right, the 12,000 calorie salted, buttery delight. I'll admit, I love it. And I shovel it in my mouth like I haven't eaten in a year! And I'm okay with that. Food court and movie popcorn aside, I'm not much of a mall fan. Having said all of that, I have to say, life just wouldn't be the same without them. So, I'll brave the diseased air, and the loitering teens, and the crazed kids so I can have the luxury of knowing that if I ever need something from the mall...it's right there...just around the corner.

Embrace It.

So it's almost THAT time of year again. Yes, the dreaded "V" Day! Valentine's Day. There was a time that I boycotted this holiday. Truth be told, until I found my husband I had never had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day. I never planned it that way. It just so happened, which in retrospect seems a little odd or perhaps telling? Anyway, when this overrated, over-hyped, under-wanted holiday rolled around I had decided for many years that it was a day in which I would embrace those I truly loved...my friends.

We'd get together and hit the movie theaters. We'd indulge in chocolate in the form of candy bars, popcorn, and later enjoy each other's company for wine and dinner. Never was there a mention of the lack of a "significant other", "ex's", or "dating" in general. It was more about us and our bonds. It was everything Valentine's Day was supposed to be; lovely, relaxing, enjoyable, and mostly spent with those we loved. It was easy and uncomplicated. The fact that I didn't have my own "special Valentine" did not escape me. The difference was that it didn't matter. I was happy and didn't feel I was missing anything.

This will be my sixth Valentine's Day with my husband. And while it's true, there is a different meaning I suppose because I have a romantic love for him, it's really not that different. I don't wish for roses; they die too soon. I don't wish for chocolates; (well, I DO but for caloric reasons I wouldn't). I don't even need a $3.00 card which will get stowed away with all the othe cards. What do I want? Time. Time spent with the person I love. Before you all sit back and say, "Of course you don't hate it. You have someone." Let me stop you right there. Yes, I'm thankful to have someone to love, not just for this day, but everyday. That's a blessing. For Valentine's Day however, for me, it's about love in general. Friends, pets, it's all good.

I guess the point is that Valentine's Day doesn't have to be about "lovers". It can be whatever we want it to be about. So this holiday don't shun it, don't boycott it, don't hide from it or hate it...embrace it! Grab someone or something you love - a friend, a dog, go it alone if you choose, and do whatever you enjoy. It is a holiday about love and whether you're attached to someone or not, there's always someone or something to love. Find it and embrace it.

Such a Sick Loser!

The verdict is in and yes folks, I have it - full on bronchitis! Aaarrgh! So frustrating! I'm a mom, a wife, and a student and I just don't have the time or luxury of being sick. The kicker is that my doctor informed me that bronchitis is viral which means antibiotics don't do anything at all. In other words, "deal with it". She recommended Robitussin and said that the body will fight it off. If it becomes pneumonia then they will write a perscription for antibiotics. Really? You don't say.

Not only is being sick inconvenient but I'm on this HCG diet and it makes it extra tough because I can't have cough drops or most OTC medicines because of the sugar. The upside is that I've stuck to my diet, which I am very proud. I have not once felt hungry or tired (other than the fatigue brought on by being ill), and it's been 3 days and I've lost 11 lbs! Amazing and I have energy (even for being sick) and feel pretty darn great considering.

Today I received a card from my husband that was a "Way To Go" card and he congratulated me on my progress and said he was proud of me and the efforts and successes I'm making and having and he would do anything to help me. That was gold! I'll be high on that for a week! So I sit here drinking my 10th (12 oz) glass of distilled water with lemon, thinking about how far behind this week my bronchitis has put me and you know what? It's all good. Tomorrow I'll catch up as well as Friday and Saturday.

This has been a challenging week and I can't wait to be well again. I also can't wait to get up in the morning and weigh myself. How crazy is that?!!! It's true though. It's what keeps me going and such a high to see the scale point to a lower and lower number. I have a lonnnnnng way to go. Slow and steady wins the race. Until then, I'm happy being a "loser". =)